Where there is a Narcissist there is an enabler!

Where there is a Narcissist there is an enabler!

In families, the enabler plays the crucial role of upholding the narcissist power prioritising the narcissist needs and view points making everyone else feel invisible. They minimising the narcissist problematic or abusive behaviour sweeping everything under the rug. 

This dynamic applies to any system, especially families. An enabling parent in a narcissistic family is typically the spouse or partner of the narcissistic parent. This parent often plays a significant role in maintaining the dynamics of the family and consciously or unconsciously supports the narcissistic behaviours of their partner.

Narcissists surround themselves with people who won’t challenge their dysfunctional and abusive behaviour, allowing them to maintain their status quo, and to refrain from taking accountability for their behaviour and having to change.

The enabler complies with the narcissist out of fear, as they are afraid of their disapproval or anger. This makes it everyone else’s responsibility to keep the peace. 

The enabler often tells others to be the bigger person, pressurising them to tolerate the mistreatment.  When this happens in families it leaves children feeling invalidated, unprotected and alone in their pain. 

Generally, the enbler parent is focused on appeasing the narcissistic parent and avoiding conflict. They might even blame the children or themselves for the narcissistic parent’s outbursts or manipulative behaviour e.g. “you know that upsets your mom/dad,” “if you just would/wouldn’t do ___, this wouldn’t happen.”

If this sounds all too familiar to you, to break the cycle of generational narcissist abuse in your family, get in touch to hear who I can help and support you rewire your brain, recalibrate and free yourself from this dynamic.